Friday, July 24, 2015

Lelaki,

Kalau si suami tenung handphone dari bangun tidur hingga ke 3 pagi, melayan perempuan di facebook dan whatsapp dan cuma bercakap dgn isteri mintak makanan dihidang depan mata dan bertanya stoking untuk pergi kerja. itu dipanggil apa?  biasa? sebab lelaki itu raja?


Cuba kalau si isteri buat perkara yang sama, hah! langsung digelar sang pengdosa. berdosa. derhaka.
ah Cilaka ni semua. bukan, bukan hukum agama. tapi lelaki itu.

Setiap kisah cinta diawal cerita memang indah belaka. sanggup meredah hutan belantara, berenang melawan arus ombak bergelora, menggenggam bara api membara. ah siii. tadi aku tengah duduk dekat meja makan sorang sorang baca tentang cerita seorang lelaki tua berkahwin dgn perempuan muda. aku terfikir, apa kah yang mengukuhkan atau menyatukan satu pasangan yang tua. Bayangkan lah bila badan dan berlipat lemak, kulit yang mulai kendur, itu longgar sana longgar. anak 7 bercucu 9. apakah masih ada keinginan seks diantara mereka berdua atau perasaan ingin bermanja setelah 34 tahun bersama. Apakah perkahwinan dalam islam selain menghalalkan yang haram? tidakkah sedih melihat perempuan tua itu merasa diri nya tua dan hodoh sehingga lelaki itu lebih berminat untuk memandang handphone daripada hidup bersamanya di alam realiti.tidak kah sedih merasa diri telah habis digunakan dan tidak lagi punyai khidmat? tidak ada isi dan gunanya lagi. tidak kah sedih menjadi perempuan yang mengorbankan segalanya; kecantikannya, kudratnya, cinta nya, maruah nya hanya untuk disia siakan oleh lelaki yang pernah berjanji untuk sehidup semati? ya, pengorbanan itu perlu dalam hidup ini, setiap orang akan melaluinya, tapi tidak lah terasa beban pengorbanan itu apabila setiap incinya dihargai. bukan kah kau pun manusia? tidak kah begitu?

Allahuakbar,tidak lah sekali kali aku mempersoalkan takdir tuhan untuknya. Sesungguhnya Allah itu maha penyayang, dan mohonlah pertolongan dan kasih sayang dari Nya.

"Ingatlah bila kau tidak punyai sesiapa selain Allah, Allah itu lebih dari mencukupi". (Hamka)


"Ya Allah, berikanlah kepadaku suami yang terbaik dari sisi-Mu, suami yang juga menjadi sahabatku dalam urusan agama, urusan dunia & akhirat. Ya Allah bukakanlah bagiku hikmamu dan limpahkanlah padaku keberkahanMu, wahai Pengasih dan Penyayaang. Amin"

Saturday, July 11, 2015

Isn't it sad to sleep with insecurity..



It is.




"You dont have to tell people you love them. You just have to give them no reason to doubt it."


Sunday, July 5, 2015

Don't judge.

So today I've been criticized for hanging empty frames on my wall. Tak sedih langsung, it's a hobby plus I caught them wonderful. I also collecting boxes and mangkuk tingkat which I plan to travel all over the world and beli mangkuk tingkat as the souvenir.  I choose to collect more.

I had my first boyfriend when I was 14, siap masuk bilik disiplin sebab cikgu dapat tahu potential student couple dengan budak paling nakal dekat sekolah. I don't judge him by that. yet the relationship lasts for almost 2years until he decided to cheat on me with my bestfriend. he treated me well and never once tried to touch me. and I don't hate him for that.


People thought that my ex-bf, when I was 18, is a girl/gay. 3 years of knowing him were fine. He is kind. the kindest hearted man.
I was 21 when someone ask for my hand in marriage. Things I never imagined. months after, I said yes. known him for only 6 months makes everyone wonder why I chose him. Well, My answer is simple; I just knew.
"so when you have made a decision, then put your trust in Allah" (Surah Imran: 159)


They say he seems cold. yes, he is. colder than absolute zero.
I met him when I was doing my internship at the Shangrila Hotel. He was a chef. The first time I greet him and he replied with nothing, I said to myself that I'm not going to talk to him anymore. never again. but, Everything is different now, not a day goes by without me hoping he is closer, wishing he is near. I believe, he's my destiny.
It's been ages but I still remember when I was in high school,  I was practicing for a bacaan puisi competition peringkat negeri in front of my teacher and random students.( I wrote the poem about merdeka if I'm not mistaken.) I would never forget that one girl who laughs loudly that makes me sad and ashamed. I stopped writing poem since then. (I shouldn't.)
Not everyone gonna like what you love but sadly, it does make me stop doing what I love. Some people don't realize how their words and actions kill a passionate heart. 

People often judge what you love and what you do, it depends on you, how you choose to react and respond to it. Just keep being true to yourself, if you're passionate about something go for it. Don't sacrifice anything and just have fun. Because no matter what they say, you always have a choice; to prominent or to break.




p/s: Note to self